Willing Good and Keeping the Darkness at Bay

Last night as I was working on my daily art and looking forward to going to bed, I received a text message in the family chat from one of my daughters with a screen shot from CNN stating we (the US) had bombed Iranian nuclear sites. I think the ruling theocratic regime is evil and has done much harm to its own people and to the world, and I agree with the consensus that their having nuclear weapons would have significant negative consequences for the world. Setting aside the possibility of them actually using the weapon, their having a weapon would trigger the nuclear arms race logic of other countries around them racing to have nuclear weapons as well to restore a balance of power. The more countries that have nuclear weapons, the harder it is for nuclear weapons to act as deterrents and achieve détente, making actual use more likely. This is old, Cold War game theory logic, but it still holds. So bombing Iran’s nuclear weapons production unfortunately is probably the right thing to do. The public objections from countries like Saudi Arabia are almost certainly performative. While this attack is justified by Iran’s general aggression as well as its pursuit of nuclear weapons, it crosses a line in the simmering conflict between the Iran and the US that has been ongoing for decades. It ratchets up the uncertainty in the world. There is little I, as an individual, can do about this, and yet it increases my sense of anxiety and lack of control. And that is the theme I want to return to today.

Daughter #2 is staying with us while she goes back to school, and she brought her four adorable kitties with her, including Sansa (yes, named for Sansa Stark in Game of Thrones). Sansa is a high-maintenance kitty – she’s walking around on the desk in front of me as I type this, trying to get my attenti.02222222222222222222222on.

See what I mean?

There is some literature on pet ownership and how having pets can improve quality of life, but I think most of us just know having an animal to pet lowers stress. Unless you’re trying to get your work done… Really, but even then, it’s lovely.

The distress I feel from world events is not wrong. The world is more unstable today than it was yesterday. It may be that the increase in instability will lead to positive change, but it may not. It is appropriate to be concerned when such events happen. However, it is also appropriate not to overly focus on things which are beyond our control. I’ve presented this concept a few times over the last couple of years, mostly because I need to keep reinforcing this idea for myself.

When President Trump was re-elected, many people were very upset. I wrote a piece about the correct responses to circumstance shortly after the election, drawing on Machiavelli’s stoic approach to external events and luck.

In a country with roughly 245 million people eligible to vote, any individual vote contributed virtually nothing to the outcome. If you live in the US, you have a teensy, tiny ability to influence the outcome of the presidential election, but it’s so small that it’s basically zero. Who becomes president matters, but you have about the same influence on the outcome as you do on whether a hurricane hits your house. Who is president, for most of us, is about as controllable as the weather – it’s just a fact you have to live with. Like the weather, you should consider it and prepare for it, think about how you might use these circumstances to your advantage, but being distressed about it is not particularly productive, and a waste of your energy.

In my post on becoming a proficiens, I shared a graphic of three concentric circles—control at the center, influence next, and concern on the outer edge. That visual reminds me where I should focus my effort. The closer to the center, the greater my responsibility.:

We have the best shot at controlling the internal. In fact, I would argue, we have a duty to do so, and to work on it. This is the project of our lives. Small children have little control of the self (the soul and the body), but we have higher expectations of adults. The self is the point of greatest control. Beyond the self is all influence. We could even argue that the body is even just influence. But certainly, we cannot control our families (you who have not yet had children might be under the illusion that you can control your kids. Ha ha. Good luck with that.), but within family, especially as parents, we do have significant influence. We have some influence over our friends, the degree depending on the relationship. We should care about all these things, and we should invest in them to the degree that we have control and influence.

Within our community, we have some influence. I would argue, the extent of your community is defined by your potential influence. Whereas my vote is one in 245 million for president, my vote for Durham town council is one in about 15,000. Still a small influence, but far greater. Setting aside voting, I could easily join one of the committees, such as planning or economic development, that have real influence on my community, my friends, my family, and my self. While I personally am not involved in town government, I am on five boards: one state licensing board, one professional society, two non-profits, and a social organization. These are the meaningful ways I embrace my influence, and consequent responsibility, for my community, in addition to my work, which I also see as influencing my community.

As I was looking through my old posts to find these graphics, I came across this Tolkien quote:

'It is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk, that keep the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love.' - Gandalf (The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey)

As you know, I am fond of St. Thomas Aquinas’s definition of love as “willing good for another.” It is in this way that we are able to extend our love beyond family and close friends. Connection is one of the 3Cs of meaning. Loving and being loved are essential for living a worthy life. I think that’s in part why having pets to pet is so calming. Sansa demands small acts of kindness and love pretty much constantly. It gives me a chance to enact love. Loving is what keeps the darkness at bay.

When you act within your sphere of influence in such a way that you are willing good for others, you are enacting love. Everyday deeds of ordinary folk like us can keep the darkness at bay within those spheres. All of humanity is contained within overlapping spheres.

I think in a world of mass communication, we have become progressively more concerned about things that are neither under our influence nor control (or at best at the very periphery of influence). More people were fired up about the presidential election, which they have little influence over, than they were about their local town council, which they have far much more influence over, and are likely more influenced by.

I believe where you have influence, you have a duty to act. We little people have little or no influence over world events such as are unfolding now in the Middle East. But we have influence here in our own communities, and we therefore have a responsibility to act. This doesn’t mean we should ignore larger events beyond our influence. To the degree these events are happening and may have an impact on ourselves, our families, friends, and community, we have a responsibility to act accordingly, just as we would respond to a hurricane or other natural event. We all live within overlapping circles of influence. Within those circles, we have opportunities - indeed, obligations - to act with love. To will good for others.

A worthy life doesn’t require changing the world. It requires changing the little corner you can reach.