RWL Newsletter #151 - Holland, Gratitude, & Commitment
Happy Thanksgiving from the University of New Hampshire! I hope you had a pleasant day with people you care about. During my military career we spent many Thanksgivings with our military family - friends who were also stationed far from home. It has been nice these last few years to be home again and be with our given family, but as my military life recedes farther into my past, I think fondly of the many years we spent holidays with families that the Army brought together in far flung posts around the world, and how we came together to create and appreciate the spirit of the day. As grateful as I am to spend holidays with my family, I look back on those years and appreciate that thanksgiving is a choice one has to make, and not just on the holidays. This week’s links are all connected along the theme of gratitude and happiness. I hope you like them.
(Picture is my post-Thanksgiving breakfast tradition - potato pancakes made with left over mashed potatoes - a personal favorite from childhood! Texas peeps will appreciate the mug)
On to the links!
Read
What: National Downs Syndrome Society, Welcome to Holland, by Emily Perl Kingsley
https://www.ndss.org/resources/a-parents-perspective/
Why: This is a 5-minute read. Maybe faster if you don’t have to sound out words like I do when you read. I was tempted to cut and paste it here, given its brevity, but a) I don’t have the copyright, and b) the web site serves a good cause and deserves its hit count.
I had never heard of this essay before, despite the fact that it is quite well known. I read about it in Gottlieb’s book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone (that I mentioned last week in Watch, and, by the way, I binged on all week and finished this morning at the gym - I strongly recommend it). This is a lovely essay on the surface about dealing with the reality of having a child with a disability. Gottlieb uses it more generally to express the idea that none of our lives are going to be quite what we expect, and that it is up to us to choose to appreciate the time and gifts we have. (Specifically, the story comes up when Gottlieb tells about a patient who is dealing with a terminal cancer diagnosis.) Profound, life-changing losses never go away, but we can choose to rebuild around them and appreciate what we do have.
Watch
What: David Steindl-Rast, Want to be happy? Be grateful (12 minutes)
https://www.ted.com/talks/david_steindl_rast_want_to_be_happy_be_grateful
Why: What is the connection between happiness and gratefulness? David Steindl-Rast, a monk and theologian, argues that we are largely mistaken about the causal connection between happiness and gratefulness. We are under the illusion that gratefulness flows from happiness, when in fact happiness flows from an attitude of gratefulness. He offers a simple method to apply in your daily life: stop, look, go.
Listen
What: The Art of Manliness, David Brooks and Living the Moral Life
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/david-brooks-second-mountain/
Why: This interview is with the writer David Brooks, who has recently published a book about creating a meaningful life. I haven’t read the book yet, but I think I may based on the interview. I read Brooks’ previous book, The Road to Character. The book is built on the belief that meaning in life comes from commitment. The key to finding meaning is to voluntarily commit:
“character formation is really about keeping up with our commitments. We fall in love with something, we make a promise to it, and then we try to live up to the promises we make.” He goes on to say, “our life is really defined by the commitments we make. So most of us make commitments to several of four things, or maybe all four things. To spouse and family, to a community, to a vocation, and to a philosophy or faith. My argument is that the fulfillment of our lives depends on how well we make and choose those commitments.”
I think this idea of commitment ties in well with the other two pieces I am recommending this week. The Welcome to Holland piece is on the surface about a commitment to family. There is no going back once you have made a commitment to having a family. As a father of three adult children, I will tell you from personal experience that whatever ideas you think you have about what parenthood will be like, just write them down before you start so you can have a good laugh at yourself a couple of decades down the road. The Welcome to Holland piece is really about reconciling yourself to the challenges of leading a committed life. Even if you have a healthy child, parenthood isn’t going to be what you think - it’s going to be much harder. Brother Steindl-Rast’s piece is about making the choice, moment-by-moment to be grateful. At any given moment, the commitments we make might seem overwhelming, and the price they demand too high. Holding true to commitments, especially when they demand great sacrifice, is transformative. I agree with Brooks’ assertion that sustained commitment is the foundation of good moral character. Which is also why important, irrevocable commitments should be undertaken with great seriousness. But trying to appreciate each moment as a gift, as Steindl-Rast says, can help you put one foot in front of the other to make it through.
Thanks for reading and see you next week! If you come across any interesting stories, won't you send them my way? I'd love to hear what you think of these suggestions, and I'd love to get suggestions from you. Feel free to drop me a line at mark.bonica@unh.edu , or you can tweet to me at @mbonica .
Also, if you find these links interesting, won’t you tell a friend? They can subscribe here: https://tinyletter.com/markbonica
Have a great weekend and do amazing things!
Mark
Mark J. Bonica, Ph.D., MBA, MS
Assistant Professor
Department of Health Management and Policy
University of New Hampshire
(603) 862-0598
mark.bonica@unh.edu
Health Leader Forge Podcast: http://healthleaderforge.org
"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor." - Henry David Thoreau