be the $6 bottle
finding fit for a meaningful life
I recently saw the above meme on LinkedIn. I’m not sure who gets the attribution, but I really liked the message. For human flourishing, fit matters a great deal. Trying to be something you were not meant to be, or trying to thrive in a space you are not meant to be in will rarely work out well. Finding where you belong is perhaps the most important task of emerging adulthood because it maximizes your realized potential.
I look back on my career in the military and feel very lucky for all the opportunities I had to try different roles on. It took me until I was about 30 to really find where I felt like I belonged and a job that played to my strengths more than my weaknesses. Some people are lucky and land in roles that immediately play to their strengths and they are a great fit. But I think for most of us, it’s a process of trial and error. Negative feedback is useful because it at least tells us where we don’t fit.
One of the things I do with my seniors when they come back from having done their internships is I have them take a few personality tests. I particularly like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and I have them take this free version. I know psychologists say the MBTI is bunk, but so many people have taken it and know the 16 types, it does provide some common language. I am an ENFP, and I think that actually describes me pretty well, and tells why I struggled in some of my early career experiences. For example, I’m not much of an attention to detail kind of guy. I’m not decisive (read the description of ENFP and the other types and you’ll see) because I tend to see lots of possibilities. But being a big picture person is useful if you are looking at strategy, and seeing possibility allows for creativity. If you haven’t taken the MBTI, or you haven’t taken it for a while, I suggest giving it a whirl. It gives some language that you might find useful for reflection, even if the psychology field says the constructs aren’t valid.
I also have them take the Sparketype assessment which tries to help people discern what kind of work will be meaningful and fulfilling to them. I’m a Sage/Nurturer, which I think overlaps with my MBTI type nicely and accurately reflects my calling as a teacher. Here’s a description of the 10 Sparketypes. The assessment is free if you want to take it - you just have to create an account.
I’ve also done the Big 5, which is the gold standard for personality psychologists and has high validity and reliability. It measures some of the same things as the MBTI. I didn’t do this one with my students this year, but it’s also useful. And useful is the point. All of these tests (and many others - DISC, SDI, Colors, etc.) all give you some insight by helping you think and name things. I think the main value is the reflection on both yourself and others, and recognizing that diversity runs deeper than immutable identity characteristics.
I think there’s a real danger in life of committing to a role and/or a place where you don’t fit. I’ve seen far too many people settle for roles that don’t fit and they hate their work. These are the people who live for the weekend and wake up on Monday with dread in their veins. The sad thing is if they had found a better fit, not only would they be happier, but they would contribute more value. They would be the happy $6 bottle of water rather than the miserable $0.50 bottle of water. If you aren’t in the right place with the right people, you won’t be able to contribute to your full potential and you will always be undervalued. So that’s a piece of what I am doing this semester with my students. The sooner you can figure out where you belong, the sooner you will begging living the meaningful life that fits you.